Saturday, May 13, 2006

"Things You Left I'm Packing Up for You"

Here's your reflection from the mirror;
it kept showing up whenever I tried to shave
and blocked my view. Here's the space
between us in the bed; use it for extra room
when you're trying to parallel park. And here's
the air you never shaped to words; it'll make
a whole zoo of balloon animals.

6 Comments:

Blogger Messalina said...

Hi Hedgie,

I'm enjoying popping in to read. This one I particularly enjoyed - you seem to have balanced anger and humour really effectively here.

Keep up the good work :o)

1:56 AM  
Blogger Julie Carter said...

Nicely done.

6:56 AM  
Blogger Hedgie said...

Thanks for the comments. I get the feeling this one needs something more, at the least a more solid kicker to end on. Thinking . . .

2:04 PM  
Blogger Julie Carter said...

I think it might really benefit from being regimented into a form. Dizain!

8:09 PM  
Blogger Cookala said...

I agree with the others, this is fab, but I think it needs a little more oomph at the end, as you do. Julie may have hit on a solution with putting this into form - the repetition of Here's the xxxx idea would probably lend itself well to that.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Hedgie said...

This is definitely one I'm going to work with later.

10:04 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home