"Reasonable Approximation"
This strawberry, lumpy and unsymmetrical,
with a whitish unpigmented fold, may well be
only a reasonable approximation
of a perfect strawberry, its taste a little thin
but still sufficient to stun the tongue with wonder.
Your thighs, somewhat heavy perhaps, ridged
a bit with cellulite, and set off
by the stretch marks on your belly, may well be
only a reasonable approximation
of perfect thighs, but, opened to me
here in our reasonable approximation of a perfect bed,
we share a more than reasonable approximation
of perfect joy.
with a whitish unpigmented fold, may well be
only a reasonable approximation
of a perfect strawberry, its taste a little thin
but still sufficient to stun the tongue with wonder.
Your thighs, somewhat heavy perhaps, ridged
a bit with cellulite, and set off
by the stretch marks on your belly, may well be
only a reasonable approximation
of perfect thighs, but, opened to me
here in our reasonable approximation of a perfect bed,
we share a more than reasonable approximation
of perfect joy.
posted by Hedgie at 1:32 PM
5 Comments:
I like the idea behind this poem a ton, but the language right now is so stiff, Hedge. Was it one you had to rassle out of your brain and pin it down before it could get away? :D
Yeah, not one that wanted to cooperate very much. The repetitions were deliberate, of course, but I've not really been comfortable with them, for one thing. Back to the drawing board, I'm thinking. Thanks for the comments -- they really help.
Yep. Agreed. "reasonable approximation" as a form of repetition" keeps repeat telling, plus it's latinate. I like the sly wit in this, though, a good idea.
Ooh, all the ways from a strawberry to the zone of pleasure.
It's very stiff and formal, if you;ll excuse the pun.
When is a strawberry not a strawberry and a bed not a bed? ;¬)
Yes, I really like the idea and some of the language. another one for the "Worth Revising" pile when this is all over, I think. Thanks for the comments; they really help.
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