Tuesday, May 16, 2006

"August Noon"

The sun is an iron
that presses everything flat
with heat.

4 Comments:

Blogger Cookala said...

I like this, but "with heat" is very expected - needs something surprising, some strange aspect about the sun/heat that spin our heads. I'm thinking an image of weight/rays....well, whatever. (3 more syllables in L3 and you have a ku)

12:08 PM  
Blogger Hedgie said...

You're right; I had a hard time coming up with anything yesterday, and this one is seriously lacking. Thanks for comments, cookie; I appreciate it, always.

6:15 PM  
Blogger Julie Carter said...

Yep. I think you need to pick a thing instead of "everything." Then you'll have a slick little image.

7:42 PM  
Blogger Hedgie said...

Thanks, JUlie. Yep, "everything" is a bit everythingish, I'm afraid.

10:03 PM  

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